Today has been lonely up to recently; however, an insightful conversation with Gracie has had a remarkable impact. Despite my hypocrisies, neuroticism, and other personal demons...she and others...are right--I really do care. I've always thought that there was perhaps the slightest chance that the reason I cared about anyone was not for their sake, but instead for mine. I had, even up until recently, considered myself to be a selfish hypocrite...someone who would defend those who could not defend themselves, yet at first convenience, would be the first to exploit those same people. Someone who should care, but when it came to matter, couldn't...or wouldn't...
We are our own strictest critics, no doubt. But...must I be so self-defeating? I think the short answer is a resounding "no". I can, and in a way, already have learned to use my strengths to a greater extent. Though I still have many demons, some of them contrary to my personal goals, I will, in time, defeat them as I pursue perfecting myself and becoming what others, and especially other men, should be: Kind, caring, and empathetic, void of egocentrism, and above all else, human.
Perhaps I can ease the pressure---I know I'm on the right track. Let those closest to me ease some of this pressure, and surely all will benefit.
These are my thoughts at this time.
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