Love Sucks

If you do not like reading a very primitive form of embellished language, feel free to skip to the second section.


It seems to grow harder and harder with each passing day to keep my emotions in check. I have been disturbed by a permeating uneasiness...What is this feeling? Is it love? I think so. The question is...who is it that I love? 'Tis a very real possibilty that the one who I think I love is not indeed the one I actually love, but the one that is the more acceptable one. 'Tis also a very real possibility that she is indeed the one I actually love, but I cannot penetrate even the most outermost of my thoughts to reach what really exists within. What if...I were to be hopelessly infatuated by the one for whom I cannot possibly afford to feel such feelings? How would I handle that? The thought of communication frightens me. I dare not risk endangering a friendship. Yet something powerful moves me. This infatuation...it is peaceful, yet it tortures. It is beautiful, yet it cripples me like the foulest of things, and it is so desired, yet it is forbidden. These are the thoughts at this time.


In plainer English, it is a very real possibility that I could be falling for someone whom I cannot dare pursue, rather than the one to whom I initially believed I thought I was attracted. I have been here before, caught with someone with whom I could not express my affections.; the wounds of that time are still very real to me. Being in such a position is humiliating. It is torture. It leaves me feeling empty, hopeless...alone. If I were to share this information personally, I could only break. I would shed more than my share of tears. This feeling of mine...not only cannot I express it, but I feel inclined to shut it out and deny it. It makes me feel guilty. To me, the one who shall always finish last, it is a grave sin, not because of religious significance, but because I have committed the gravest non-religious sin of all: To want, especially if what I covet is something already had by another. For it, I endure this pain.

These are my thoughts at this time.

I pray that this pain ends soon, however the means.